Ready, Set, SHAVE!
by Totally Wicked
Summary: Now, with a title like that, what more do I need to say? Kikyo and Kagome compete in a 'contest', along with Sango, Kagura, and KAEDE? A total battle of the legs! Can you stand the crazyness? *COMPLETE/MUST-READ SHOUT OUT! NOW EDITED* Read and review!
1. A Contest?

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha and co. Inu Yasha stays next to me on his own free will. The chains, leash, and collar have nothing to do with it. *Sees Inu Yasha on the ground begging to be dead* Ignore him.

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 1: A Contest?

Author's Note:

I am sugar high + I am crazy = Very demented author. This is just a crazy idea I got when listening to my friend complain about having to shave her legs and me being very lucky and not having to. This idea might have been used before. I don't know because I'm lazy. I was just in a very crazy mood and felt like writing it so if you want to flame me, GO AHEAD! I will continue my other fic, so don't worry fans! Anyway, the fic!

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Kagome rushes through the woods as fast as she could. _'I need to get home and Inu Yasha isn't gonna stop me!'_ Suddenly, she felt Inu Yasha's aura. _'GRRRR! And I was almost to the well!'_

Inu Yasha jumped in front of Kagome smirking like mad. "Thought you could sneak away while I was asleep, huh? Too bad…" He crossed his arms and glared at her.

"Inu Yasha," Kagome pleaded, "I need to get home! I have a test, I want to see my family, I need a break, and I REALLY need to shave! It's hard to relax here while you know that there are demons everywhere watching your every move!"

Inu Yasha snorted and glared at her even more. "You can't go because we need to look for shards! Besides, you're always going home!"

Kagome's put on her best puppy dog eyes. "Please, Inu Yasha?" she asked in her most pitiful voice.

"No."

Kagome's puppy dog eyes disappeared. "Inu Yasha! Why do you have to be so selfish?" she asked angrily.

"Because you're just a shard detector. If Kikyo was here, I bet she could find those shards faster than you AND have smoother legs!" Inu Yasha answered.

Kagome growled. "It's all about Kikyo! Kikyo this, and Kikyo that! And you know what? I bet I have smoother legs than her!" 

Suddenly, Kikyo burst out. She appeared mad and sort of happy at the same time. "How's this: We have a smooth leg contest. Then you two won't have to fight anymore!"

Kagome brightened up. "Okay!" she said bubbly, waving her arms and accidentally hitting Inu Yasha. "Oops. Sorry Inu."

Inu Yasha: @_@

Kikyo looked at Inu Yasha for a second, then back at Kagome. "Okay," she said, "you can go home, shave, then come back. Oh yeah… The prize is _Inu Yasha_."

Kagome gulped but nodded. "I'll be back in a couple of hours and get some judges."

Kikyo nodded and let her soul-sucking demon things carry her away.

Kagome left Inu Yasha where he was and ran to the village. Explaining everything to Kaede and Sango, she asked them to be judges. However, Sango and Kaede had their own plans. 

Kaede talked first. "I want to join the contest, too. I'm an old girl, but I still want a boyfriend! Go find me some good looking judges, ya hear child?"

Kagome gulped again and tried not to imagine Kaede showing off her legs while nodding.

"You know, this should be fun. Let me join, too, Kagome-chan!" Sango begged. 

Kagome nodded again. She then left and headed for the forest. There, she met Kouga. _'Perfect! He'll vote for me no matter what!'_ Kagome felt bad for a second about cheating, but still asked Kouga to be a judge, who agreed for his 'sweet Kagome'.

Kagome walked on. She suddenly felt Naraku's demon aura. _'Hey! He can judge too!'_ Kagome walked up to the baboon-skin clad half demon and asked him to judge. He agreed to one circumstance: Kagura would enter the contest. After all, he thought, if Kagura won, she could kill Inu Yasha! Besides, he could see Kikyo's legs! 

Having no choice, Kagome nodded to his request. 

Kagome walked on, to meet the edge of a meadow. She heard a small girl's voice and felt Sesshoumaru's aura. _'Perfect!'_ she thought. _'Sesshoumaru can be a judge too!'_ Kagome ran to where she heard the voices and bumped into Sesshoumaru's tail! _'So soft!'_

Sesshoumaru turned around and death glared Kagome. "You stink of my brother's wench," he said coldly.

"Sorry, Sesshoumaru, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to judge a small contest for me," Kagome said, and describing the contest. 

Sesshoumaru agreed quickly after checking his pink memo.

Kagome skipped back to the well and went into her time. When she got home, she started looking in her bag for her Venus razor. After a long and bloody search, she discovered that it was GONE! Kagome literally screamed. She quickly grabbed her money and ran to the supermarket to discover that… IT WAS ALL SOLD OUT! Now Kagome really did scream, which brought Inu Yasha out of the well and next to her in no time.

"Kagome, what's wrong?" he asked. He sniffed, but didn't smell any blood on her.

Kagome quickly got a good idea. "Inu Yasha, there's a shard in the supermarket two miles away. "Hurry, let's go!" she cried, climbing up his back.

"Why didn't you say so?" Inu Yasha asked. He ran out and was at the two-miles-away supermarket in a couple seconds. 

"Give me a minute," Kagome said, climbing down his back, going inside, and getting a new Venus razor and some Nair. She paid and went outside again. "Well, sorry, Inu Yasha, but the shard's gone! Now, take me home!"

Inu Yasha blinked but took her home anyway.

Kagome ran to her room, leaving Inu Yasha, AGAIN, and started shaving. _'Mmm! That smells so nice and my legs are so smooth and I'm gonna win this!'_ After she was done, she took a shower. When she was done, she put on some light makeup, a light blue v-neck T-shirt, and a denim mini shirt that reveled her legs. She ran out and jumped into the well…

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So? What'd you think? Did you like it? Tell me all in your review. Give me 5 or I won't continue! By the way… I already finished the next chapter and it's a killer if I do say so! Review, good people! 


	2. Oh, My Virgin Eyes!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha, blah, blah, blah!

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 2: Oh, My Virgin Eyes!

Author's Note:

I'm so glad you guys liked the first chapter! This has got to be my most popular fanfiction! I mean, I created and posted this story and four and a half hours later, I had 14 reviews! Although I got a mountain of reviews compared to how my first fanfiction, Camp of the Chaotics (pretty good Ranma 1/2 and Inu Yasha crossover, read please?), I still want more! (Ignore the terribly selfish only child :p!)You must get me some more reviews, do y'all here me *glares at innocent bystanders*. Anyway, I had a dose of inspiration last night so I wrote a LOT! Enjoy! Comments on the reviews are at the bottom of the page! Arigato!

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Kagome arrived at the well feeling confident that she would win. She jumped into the well and instantly felt the 'time change'. She felt solid ground beneath her feet and climbed out of the familiar jingle of dead demons.

As she walked, she thought about why exactly she was doing this. _'I mean, if Inu Yasha really lo-, no, **likes** me, he would stay with me anyway! And the worst part is that what if he votes for Kikyo, his old flame, or even *_shudder*_ Kagura? I need to stop thinking these thought! I just here to compete, nothing else!'_

When she arrived at the village, Miroku instantly walked over to her with his cutest pout. "Lady Kagome! How could you not ask me to be a judge for your exciting contest?"

Kagome pondered on how to say, because you're a pervert, without hurting his feelings. "Well…" she said at last, "I couldn't find you! But since you're here, I guess you still can!"

Miroku skipped away, making Kagome sweat drop and wonder if she did the right thing while fearing Sango's wrath. 

She neared Kaede's hut, which was at the edge of the forest and where the contest was to take place. She walked towards the judging area where she saw tables set up with chairs. _'For the judges, I guess.'_ Suddenly, she saw Inu Yasha rushing through the place and running/leaping towards her.

"KAGOME!" Inu Yasha roared, "YOU ASKED SESSHOUMARU TO JUDGE?"

"Um, no?" Kagome said in a tiny voice.

"Oh yeah?" Inu Yasha asked in a dangerously low and calm voice.

"NO! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I GOT HIM TO JUDGE, BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I HAD TO! I DID IT! I ADMIT IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!" yelled Kagome as she cracked.

"Ah, Kagome? Are you okay?" Inu Yasha asked, this time he himself being meek. 

"NO! I NEED TO BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT…," Kagome passed out yelling. 

"Ah, Kagome? KAGOME!" Inu Yasha yelled.

"SHUT UP!" she growled as she instantly woke up and then slumped back to unconsciousness. 

"Okay… I'll go away now…" Inu Yasha uncertainly said, backing away.

Kagome suddenly became vivacious and happy once again. "What's up, Inu? Let's get this show on the road!"

Poor Inu looked extremely confused but went along with it.

An hour later, everyone arrived at the contest area. Sango had borrowed one of Kagome's skirts, Kikyo was wearing the miko robes she always wears, Kagura wore her normal outfit, a (pretty, if I say so!) kimono, and Kaede wore her normal robes. It was decided that Kaede went first, then Kagura, then Sango, Kikyo, and lastly, Kagome. 

As soon the judges were seated, Kaede raised her leg and showed everyone her wrinkled, but smooth legs. The reaction was well, frightening!

Naraku took (HA! Spelled it right!) one glance and fell over in a dead faint.

Inu Yasha looked green, and went behind a tree to barf.

Miroku didn't notice anything; too busy looking at Sango!

Poor Sesshoumaru started screaming. "MY VIRGIN EYES! OH, MY VIRGIN EYES! MY EYES ARE BURNING! MY POOR, POOR, EYES!" he girlishly screamed as he covered his eyes with his pink memo.

Inu Yasha heard the 'virgin' part and came back. He stared at Sesshoumaru for one second, taking in the girlish screaming and pink memo. He tried. Oh, did he try. But it was too much. He fell to the ground, laughing like a lunatic. His laughter was loud and deafening. He looked ready to choke. Finally, after laughing for about 10 minutes and not breathing, he fell over just like Naraku, passed out. 

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So? Did everyone like the chapter? I just finished chapter 3 of the story, so give me 5 more reviews and I'll give it to you! 

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Responses to Reviews:

Saturn Angels: You guys are so KOOL! Thank you all for your support and comments! Thank you, Vince, for pointing out my spelling errors! I MUST learn how to spell!

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Shannon: I bow low! Thank you for thinking so!

Kaori: You'll see in time… I have written another story, so you can read that too! I'm writing, I'm writing!

Cassie: You have to shave, too? Hehe! I don't and I don't want to! Anyway, kuku and gwahaha? Okay… Thanks anyway! 

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Amber, Fool: What's up Amber? I'll get on MSN very soon! Chapter 3's already written, so just review!

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Landlady of the Universe: Thank you, thank you! I thought I was class clown in kindergarten for nothing! I guess it paid off!

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QueenPiscies: I'll try to make it as funny as I can!

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Kei*la hime: Please, just call me TW or Jen-chan, whatever you want! Thank you for thinking so!

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Aravan Fox: Sorry about the toke/took thing! I always get them confused! I have super smooth legs, too! 

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Icya: Yes, pink memo. Pink is a very pretty, girly color. I like pink! Yes, insanity rules! She's my muse!

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AnimeAngel: I'm writing chapter 4 already, am writing! Glad you like the story!

Brianna A.: I'm glad you think it's funny! I do, however, have another story that's coming out! 

Anonymous: I finally know how to spell that! Thank you for thinking that this is great!

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Taichi-chan: THANK YOU! You'll see what happened with Naraku and Kikyo. Kukuku…

Rose: Thanks! I hope this gets more interesting for you! 


	3. The Judging of Legs, Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha and co., but I do own this story idea!

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 3: The Judging of Legs, Part 1

Author's Note:

I have today off, so I'm writing, like, a lot! How'd everyone like the last chapter? I am so sorry I haven't updated, but I had a LOT of projects due. There was this Muslim thing and the inside of a frog and, well, I can go on forever! Anyway, I'm trying to update every 5 to 7 days if I can. I'm so happy that you guys reviewed! I'm trying to make that 30TH review mark. GO ON, OLD LADY! YOU CAN MAKE IT! Okay!

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Kouga was stared at the two brothers fighting. (Inu Yasha recovered, forgot to tell y'all!) Looking over to Kagome, he whooped, which got Inu Yasha's attention. Grabbing Kagome, he said to Kouga, "Get another woman!"

Kagome blushed, and looked over to Kikyo, who was glowering at her. She shivered at the cold look. _'I wonder how Inu Yasha ever fell in love with **her**!' _

After Naraku came back to the land of the living, Kagura walked out. Jumping onto the table, she showed off her legs. Smooth and white! The judges ooo-ed and ahh-ed, marveling her legs. Naraku smirked. "Well," he started, "what do you expect? She's _my_ offspring!"

"What'd you use, Kagura?" Miroku asked.

"Well, slicing winds! What do _you_ expect?" she said, getting out her fan.

It was looking bad for the other contestants when suddenly, the sharp eyes of Kagome spotted a tiny spot of, could it be? RAZOR BURN! Quickly she jumped on a rock. "LOOK CLOSLY! SHE HAS RAZOR BURN!" she yelled.

Everyone gasped. Sesshoumaru took one look and almost fainted.

Naraku's face grew dark. "Kagura," he said with a very scary voice, "explain yourself!"

Kagura whimpered and began to tremble with fear. "Well, Naraku-sama, when you created me, you were in a hurry to destroy a town and thus, made my winds a little too strong and violent!"

Naraku HMPHed and walked away sulking, to Kagura's great relief.

Next was Sango. She raised her leg onto the table right in front of Miroku. She batted her eyelashes at him. Miroku just about past out, but no one cares, of course! (Hides from Miroku fans) Sango raised her leg a little higher. She had very smooth legs, no cuts, and no sign of razor burn. Kikyo and Kagome sucked in breaths, not being able to control their envy. 

Sango smirked and started talking. "I used all natural herbs for a light scent and the smooth bones of a centipede demon for an extra close shave. I think the smoothest legs are here, don't you agree guys?

The judges quietly murmured with each other. 

"You have to admit, she has the smoothest legs we've seen in a long time!" Miroku whispered.

"I like the nice natural smell!" Sesshoumaru said as he breathed in. 

"You're right!" Kouga and Naraku both said at the same time.

"She could be the winner!"

Shippo suddenly comes in their little 'huddle'. "I'm bored. Let me do something."

"Uhhhh, okay? You can be the announcer," Inu Yasha said, not craving a whole temper tantrum.

Shippo nodded. "Okay. What do I do?"

"Well, you can start with telling the ladies that the next contestant can come on up!" Miroku said as he grinned.

Shippo jumped on a rock. Instantly, Kikyo and Kagura started to say, "AWWWWWW!"

Shippo looked pleased with himself and did a cute little pose. Inu Yasha, however, did not think him so cute. He threw a rock, which made Shippo rub his cute, little cheek in pain.

Kikyo nudged Kagome's shoulder. "Who is he?" she asked enviously. 

"He's my little Shippo. We, meaning INU YASHA and _me_, rescued him!" Kagome said, paying extra attention to say Inu Yasha's name a little louder.

Kikyo glared. "Okay," she said, reaching for her purse, "how much do you want for him?"

Kagome looked outraged. "What? He's not for sale! Besides, I can't use ANCIENT money!" 

Kikyo growled. "How's $50? In AMERICAN money!" (A/N: I don't really know about yen and stuff, so I have other ways…)

Kagome looked thoughtful, but Kagura, who had been listening, had other ideas. "What? It's outrageous to sell such a cute little animal for just $50! I pay $60!" 

Kikyo glared at Kagura. "Fine! Make it $65!"

Kagome was watching with amazed eyes. She flipped out her auction hat and blow horn. "Okay! I have $65! $65! Going once-"

"Make it $75!" Kagura yelled.

"$85!" Kikyo screamed.

"Okay, I have an offer at $85!" Kagome was really going!

"$100!" Rin suddenly yelled.

Everyone stared at the little girl, who was standing on Jaken.

"What?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Please, Sesshoumaru-sama! Can I please have him! You promised me a puppy dog a long time ago but Jaken said that you were just saying that so I could shut up. PUH-lease?" she begged.

Sesshoumaru looked thoughtful. "Well…"

"CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE CONTEST? I HAVE A YOGA LESSON IN AN HOUR!" Naraku yelled.

Silence. Absolutely golden silence. 

Then… 

Laughter. Bright, happy, rib-breaking laughter. 

Everyone cracked up. The guys ('cept for Naraku, of course!) fell to the ground, clutching their stomachs and throwing their heads back. The ladies did a bit better. They tried to contain themselves. Sango and Kagome fell into unlady-like heaps. Kaede started laughing like Santa Claus, ho, ho, ho-ing. Kikyo was a little better. She giggled and tried very hard not to die (again!) right there. Kagura, fearing Naraku's wrath, didn't laugh, but stared at the ground. When she finally lifted her head, one look at her Naraku-sama and she started to grin. She tried hard, determined to make a week without punishment. But at last, the poor wind-demon couldn't stop herself, and she, too, threw back her had and laughed.

Naraku stood there, extremely angry with everyone. He glared at the guys (who didn't see him). Finally, he himself couldn't contain his anger. He blew up, like a volcano, and started yelling. "WHAT'S SO FUNNY? I DON'T THING IT'S FUNNY AT ALL! MY THERAPIST SAID THAT YOGA WOULD HELP LIGHTEN MY TEMPER, BUT NOW I KNOW THAT HE'S A FRICKIN' LIAR!" He ran off to cry in a corner. 

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GRRRRRRR! I could have had this chapter up by last Wednesday, but my phone lines went dead. You see, in California, we have a rainy season and this old tree just happened to crash over our phone lines, making sure I couldn't go online OR call anyone. Sad, I know! I mean, when our phone lines got fixed today, I checked my e-mail accounts and in just one of them, I had like, 44 new e-mails! 

Liked the chapter? Give me the love. *^_^* 

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Here are the happy comments to all your helpful-to-my-muse-and-ego reviews!

Person with no name: Thanks for reminding me about poor Kouga and for liking this fic! I'm glad it made you laugh!

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Julia-Tears: WHAZZUPS! Thankies for reviewing not once, but TWICE! I know I spelled took wrong! You're the third person! Oh well! No, I don't have to shave; I'm naturally smooth.

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Sparkling Cyanide: Miroku is a little judge now! About the Kaede winning thing… *thinks and Inu Yasha comes in* Inu: DON'T GIVE HER ANY IDEAS! Me: *knocks him out with handle of axe* I like Fluffy's eyeliner! Have you seen his LIP-GLOSS? It's to DIE for! 

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Lil-tenshi: We are happily blessed with not shaving! Ever _wonder_ why Kagome's Venus razor disappeared to?

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Fiery-chan: I'll e-mail you when I update! Glad you like the story so far!

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ArtemisMoon: Tell me about the strange part! My brain surprises me at times with these ideas! Don't you worry! Nair is very special to this story… Hahahaha…BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for thinking that this is good!

Edom: You think it's funny? Thank you!

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Landlady of the Universe: I know! I just had to put Sessie for a little…er… _surprise_! Sorry it was short!

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Teekay: I'm writing, honey, I'm writing!

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KFPC: NO! NOT HUCK FIN! IT'S TOO EVIL! WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO? Anyway… I am NOT a poopie pants! She is! *Points to TW* Did I make her mad? *Sees her with axe* NOOOOOOO! Anyway, the reason I couldn't call was because of well, the phone line thing. Sorry! I'll e-mail you whenever!

Alyssa: Thankies! GO KAGOME!


	4. The Judging of Legs, Part 2

Disclaimer: I want his tail! I want his tail! I want Fluffy-chama's tail! I don't own Inu Yasha and co.; they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. 

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Ready, Set, SHAVE! 

Chapter 4: The Judging of Legs, Part 2

Author's Note:

Hi all! Do any of you have Inu Yasha downloads or know where to get them? I have Kazaa and iMesh already, so don't tell me I can get them there! I would LOVE to get them! Please? If you do, e-mail me at either account! Also… my friend Juli-chan, a.k.a. KawaiiFryingPanChick, has a story up. Read it! She's a really good writer! Lastly… Thank you all for helping me reach the 50th review mark! You don't know how much it means to me! Well, enjoy the story and review!

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Everyone was silent. But, of course, everyone cracked up again. Poor Naraku!

Finally, everyone ran out of air and stopped laughing. Of course, by that time, no one had realized that Shippo and Rin ran off (me-OW!) together. Or rather, Rin had chased Shippo away. 

"Well, that was really kawaii!" Kagome exclaimed. "But you still can't have Shippo. He's mine and will be for forever! 

"Not even I?" Kagura asked.

"What are you talking about? She wouldn't ever give Shippo to you! She would give the cute little thing to me!" Kikyo said, raising her voice. "Besides, I could easily kill you!"

"Now, now, sister, and, uh, demoness lady, let's be kind to each other!" Kaede said as she walked over.

"I'm older than you!" Kikyo yelled.

"Sorry, sis, but not anymore! I'm 58, but don't tell anyone!" Kaede whispered the last part.

Kikyo glared.

"Umm, can we get this contest going, please?" Miroku asked.

Sango glared at him. "You just want to look at Kikyo and Kagome-chan's legs," she accused.

Miroku put on his perfected 'I'm innocent' face. "Why, Lady Sango! How could you think such a thing!" he said, mocking being outraged. 

"Yeah, and Sesshoumaru doesn't look like a girl."

"Hey!" Sesshoumaru protested. "Keep me out of this!"

"But you do!" Inu Yasha said.

"Shuddup. Be nice to your elders."

"Yeah, right!"

"People, don't laugh, but if you were me, you would know how much an hour at a therapist cost nowadays! Can we PLEASE hurry up?" Naraku yelled, recovering from his earlier nervy b (nervous breakdown). 

"Yeah, we should. Mom got a session for Grandpa and she complained about the price for days!" Kagome said.

"The next contestant is Kikyo!" Shippo announced, back from his little 'adventure' with Rin.

Kikyo walked up to the judges' table. She went and fluttered her eyelashes at both Naraku and Inu Yasha. Naraku was totally recovered and Inu Yasha was RED! 

"Wow-wee!" Kouga gasped out.

Kikyo's legs were as smooth as silk and extremely white. She was not at all dry as they expected ("How does she do it? I mean, she was cremated!" Kagome asked.). 

"Thanks for letting me borrow your Venus razor, Kagome!" she said as she smirked.

"So that's where my razor went! You THIEF!" Kagome yelled. 

"Prove it!" Kikyo taunted.

Kagome suddenly started laughing, much to Kikyo's surprise. "Hahaha! I knew something like this would happen!"

"What?" a puzzled Kikyo asked.

"Hey, youkai and hanyou! Take of whiff!" Kagome said, still laughing insanely.

"What's that smell?" Miroku asked!

"Tell me about it! If you can smell it, we with demon blood _really_ can!" Sesshoumaru whined.

"Something smells AWFUL!" Naraku yelped.

Inu Yasha had no response, for he had fainted a lot earlier. ("HAHAHA!" Sesshoumaru had yelled.)

Shippo held his nose. "MAKE HER GO AWAY!" he loudly said.

"What did you make me use, you stupid, little girl?" Kikyo yelled at Kagome.

"I didn't make you use anything! You stole my things and used them yourself!" 

"What smells so _bad_?" Kikyo asked.

"Nair! Made for removing hair and smelling awful!" Kagome said as she laughed. "I always get it for dumb thieves like you!"

"WHAT?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE SWOT!" Kikyo exploded.

"EEK!" Kagome yelled. 

Naraku walked up to Kikyo. "Chant with me!" he ordered. "Ohhmmm… Ohhmmm… We are calm, we are calm… Ohhmmm…"

"Okay…? Ohhmmm, ohhmmm…" Kikyo calmed down. "HEY! That crap really works! Who's your therapist?!" 

"Is it my turn, yet?" Kagome asked impatiently.

"Yes, Kagome-chan, it's your turn!" Miroku said brightly.

Kouga looked all ticked and smacked him on the head. "Get your own woman, monk!"

"But sharing is caring!"

Sango smacks Miroku again. "Sorry, this guy here is an enchii and going to die very soon. Do not worry about his mental health and the Juicy Fruit commercial songs."

"Okay…?"

Kagome went to the judges' table. She smiled flirtatiously and lifted her leg up. Like Kikyo and Sango, she, too, had smooth legs. They didn't smell like Nair and were a joy to behold. 

Everyone gasped with joy, including Inu Yasha.

"I , too, used the Venus razor. The shaving foam I used a very gentle to skin, and has a very pleasant, light, fruity scent. It adds moisture and helps keep it that way," Kagome explained.

"Never, in all my years of experience, have I ever seen such lovely legs," Sesshoumaru said.

"Me, too! Even though this is a first," Naraku said.

"Oh, Kagome-chan, now I want you even more!" Kouga yelled.

"Back off!" Inu Yasha yelled at Kouga, jumping on his head. "How do you like this, wolf?!" 

Explanation Author's Note:

In the books, Kouga has a 'habit' of always 'landing' on Inu Yasha's head whenever he sees Kagome. Okay, back to the story.

"Inu Yasha! I thought you still loved me!" Kikyo cried, glomping Inu Yasha.

A vein popped on Kagome's head. "Oh Kouga-kun!"

Inu Yasha gets very mad and jumps on Kouga's head again, making him drop unconscious. 

Another vein popped. "SIT!" ("Kouga pancake, anyone?" Shippo offered.) 

FWOMP! "WENCH!"

"JERK!"

"BITCH!"

"JACKASS!"

"FOOL!"

"Can you guys be good? A little girl is here!" Sesshoumaru yelled, sounding like a woman.

"Sesshoumaru, you sound like a woman," Inu Yasha told him.

"And what's wrong with that?!"

"Um…-"

"That's right! There is no problem!"

"Okay! This is starting to get weird now!" Kagura said from the back. 

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Okay, that was the chapter! I hoped you guys all liked it and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon! Review, 'cuz that little button down there is calling your name! Can't you hear it? It's saying "Dude! Click me!" Yeah, I'm weird.

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Responses to Reviews: 

Lucy: Hiya! What's up? I meet you at Chinese School! I still despise the teacher, though!

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Magic Girl2: Thank you, thank you! *Bows* 

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BattleJoy W: That's a kawaii idea… kukukuku! Thankies!

KFPC: Hiya! Whazzup? I'm e-mailing you, I e-mailing! I reviewed your story! Now Juli-chan, don't eat so much!

Umm… can I get back to you on that: Kawaii username! It's so cute! Yes, I'm insane! Who isn't? Very, very crazy!

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Sparkling Cyanide: Yup. He takes yoga. One of my teachers says it's VERY relaxing.

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Shannon: I really like Sango, too! She's great!

Alice: Thanks! So I'm a real girl? Cool!

Mia: Thankies you!

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TenkunoMeiou: OMG! I am SO sorry I didn't see your review! Please forgive me!

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Code Name- Anrui Yuy: I almost split my sides writing this! Thanks for the compliment!

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Crystal Arrow: Your comments keep me and my muse going!

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ArtemisMoon: I love your ficcy! It's so cool! Now you know why I had the Nair thing! Yes, I like jealous Inu Yasha!

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Lady BlackDragonFire: I'm glad you think so and that you laughed! 

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Sylicat: Go Kagome, go Kagome!

Slice: OMG I forgot you, too? I'm so sorry! Thanks for the review!

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Sorena27: Yes, I'm mad. I also have an appointment with the Mad Hatter. He's my friend.

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Julia-Tears: Is Texas cool? Naraku and yoga. I wonder how I thought of that! I'm going to start writing in Camp of the Chaotics near Christmas, because I have a bit of writer's block. However, if you want, I can e-mail you a sneak peek at the parody section!

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Kraken 1.w: I will continue! Thanks for your support!

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Rin281: Yes, I'm 14, and a very 'strange' one at that!

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ChibiNeko: Hi girl! What's up? I try to e-mail you later! I'm glad you think this is funny! Meet you at the guild if I can!


	5. The 'Cutting' Results!

Disclaimer: Ahem… is this mike on? Can you all hear me? *bobs her mike* Okay, I'm only going to say this once. I don't own Inu Yasha, but I'm working on it! 

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 5: The Shocking Results

Author's Note:

Hi everyone? Did you all have a good Thanksgiving Break? I sorta-kinda did. It was good if you count watching men trying to hump each other (my version of football, no offence to anyone who likes it) all day. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! I loved them, and surprisingly, I didn't have any flames! Not that I would care… Everyone, read Romance Blooms, by my friend KawaiiFryingPanChick, okay? Thanks! I want to all of you that this ficcy is not going to be long. Maybe 5 more chapters, with an epilogue and a parody chapter included. Yes, I want to tell everyone that if the parody chapter scares people, don't worry! Enjoy the chapter and review. 

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"Well, duh, Kagura!" Kagome yelled.

"Stop fighting, you guys! My ears hurt!" Shippo screamed.

"We're so sorry, Shippo-chan!" Kagome said, rushing over.

"We really are, you cute little thing!" Kikyo purred, pushing Kagome aside.

"Aww. We really hurt your little ears, didn't we?" Kagura said, sounding very motherly.

Rin had different ideas. "Well, if you don't want to stay here, leave! I'll help! You're so much more _alive_ when I'm chasing you!" 

"EEP!" Shippo runs.

"Well, it's time you boys judged! Have fun and if I don't win, I'll hurt someone!" Kagome said happily.

The judged huddled together. When they were done talking, Inu Yasha rose. 

"We would like you all to show us your legs again, except for you, Kaede-baba. We saw enough of you to know that we can't handle the sight!"

The girls nodded and paraded in front of the judges, showing off their legs to the fullest intent. 

Shippo, by now, had returned, gasping and out of breath.

"T-the judges w-will now anonymously vote, please wait," Shippo fainted.

Kagome, Kikyo, and Kagura rushed to his side and tended him.

When the voting was all done, Shippo, who had awakened, counted them.

"One for Kagome." Kagome beamed.

"One for Sango." Sango blushed.

"One for Kikyo."

"Another for Kagome." 

"And another for Kikyo."

"WHAT?!" Kagome suddenly realized. "Me and her are tied?! Impossible!"

"Her?! My mere reincarnation?!" Kikyo yelled.

"Uhh… What were we supposed to do when there was a tie?" Shippo asked.

"See them-" Miroku was banged on the head by Sango. 

"Don't even think about it," she growled, leaning over his death-like body.

"How about a cat-fight?" suggested Naraku. "You know, with miko powers? They both have them!"

"That's not fair! She can suck my soul out!" Kikyo protested.

"Well, you stole it!" 

"It was my soul to begin with!"

"Sorry, sister, but you DIED! REMEMBER? Or is your ancient brain too duffed to think clearly?"

"Why you little-"

"Now, now, ladies! We mustn't get rough!" Miroku called. "You'll ruin your natural beauty!"

Death glares from Kikyo, Kagome, and Sango.

"How about a shaving contest? You know, I'll conjure up some hairy legs, and you guys can try to shave them as smoothly and quickly as you can?" Naraku suggested.

"Yeah! That would work!" Sesshoumaru said.

"But Naraku, why'd you ever learn how to make womanly legs?" Inu Yasha asked, curious.

"Well, how do you think I made Kagura and Kanna (Kanna's the little white girl who's made of nothingness. She's the sister of Kagura and offspring of Naraku)?" 

"Good point… But then you know all about a woman's…?" 

Every lady there blushed. 

"Naraku, you are a sick minded fool!" Kikyo said.

"Ugh! No wonder you had to have offspring with yourself!" Kagome followed.

"I never liked you, but this is just too much!" Sango said, glaring.

"It's not my fault!" Naraku whimpered. "I had to!" 

"No, you DIDN'T!" all three of them accused.

"But I needed that Shikon Shard!"

"Oh, did you…?"

Miroku jumped out of nowhere. "Hey, Ladies Kagome and Kikyo, shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Oh yeah…" Kagome realized. "Naraku, get ready to conjure, while I get my razor!"

"Yes, ma'am!" he said as he clicked his heels together.

Kagome and Kikyo grabbed their razors and shaving cream. This time, however, Kikyo didn't bring her Nair.

Naraku started waving his arms around like a lunatic.

"Uh, Naraku? Are you conjuring or just waving her arms around like a lunatic?" Miroku timidly asked.

"Stupid, stupid bug! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Naraku replied. He clapped his hands together. "HAHA! YOU IS DEAD, LITTLE BUG! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he cackled.

Kaede looked strangely afraid. "Okay, young people, stay back… We don't want the lunatic getting us, now do we!"

"Okay, I'm sane again." Naraku said. Everyone still looked at him weird. This time, he really did wave his hands around and muttered strange words. Two blobs took shape into… EXTREMELY HAIRY, but womanly legs!

When Sesshoumaru saw the legs, he fainted. Rin ran and dumped water on him. Sesshoumaru woke up and started yelling that the sky was falling and Chicken Licken was still alive. Everyone backed away slowly. 

"We better get started, people!" Naraku yelled.

"Are you two ladies ready?" Shippo asked.

Kikyo and Kagome raised their razors and shaving cream. "READY!" they yelled.

"GO!"

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Okay everyone! Review… NOW! I know this was a short chapter, but the next one will be VERY long and very funny. Besides, it was a REALLY fast update for me! What, I updated in two days? Anyway, I had to stop here… to make you all mad! HAHAHA! Not to worry, I have a fourth of it done already. It's called, "Final Showdown". (I love serious titles and funky chapters! :p) It'll probably be up next Saturday or Sunday… Well, until next time, ja ne! 

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Responses to Reviews:

Kei*la hime: YAY! Another person actually likes this fic! Hope you liked Chapter 4!

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Sorena27: Thankies! I'm sorry I toke so long! It's hard to write on the computer when your parents hog it all day!

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Rin281: That's my job, gurl! To be scary… Too bad I don't get payed!

Slice: You think it's funny, too?! Thank you, thank you!

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Youkai Luna Sakura: I'm glad I could cheer you and your friends up! Thanks for risking your bus driver's wrath to laugh about this ficcy!

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ArtemisMoon: My friends like to go to import stores to buy Inu Yasha books that are in Chinese, which I can read. They also get the translations online so I know what's going on and stuff! I love your ficcy, by the way! You have to write more!

Edom: Thanks! GO KAGOME! Oops… Did I just give something away there?

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Foureyedbookworm: Hey! I haven't heard from you since… a long time ago! How are you doing! I love your stories and I'm glad I was number 1 reviewer this time!

JaRule'sBoricuaBaby: Cool screen name! Thanks for liking an insane person's work!

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Moo-Moo-chan: I love cows. My friends know that sometime, at the end of every one of my sentences, I say moo. It's really fun. Moo. Great, you got me started again. Moo. Oh well, Moo. I like your ranking style! Moo!

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Lovely moonlight maiden: I'll finish it, don't you worry! I'll e-mail you when I update!

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KFPC: Girl… You're nuts. Not that I care, 'cuz I am too! Toasters are evil… One burnt me when I stuck my hand in it. (TW: Well, that was smart! Me: Shuddup! I was really hungry!) I dunno… maybe Shell stations do sell toasters… Who knows these days!


	6. The Final Showdown!

Disclaimer: No, I'm not stealing Inu Yasha *hides big box behind her, 'thing' inside begs to be taken out*… and Miroku *more muffling*… and Sesshoumaru *screams are heard*… and Kouga *hears banging*… Everyone knows they belong to Rumiko Takahashi! *Looks innocent* 

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 6: The Final Showdown!

Author's Note:

As promised, I updated this in a week! HAHAHA! You shall all suffer my wrath if I don't get more than 80 reviews! Actually… I wouldn't care… My chapters would just come in slower… and _slower_… and shorter… and _shorter_… until my muse collapses *sobs*. We don't want that to happen, now, would we! Anyway, thanks for all the reviews I received for the last chapter… It meant a lot to me! Well, as promised… chapter 6!

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Both miko sped away with almost inhuman speed. They squirted on shaving cream, making a rich layer of foam. Kagome's smelled nice and fruity, while Kikyo's smelled like spring flowers. When the risk of making cuts were thin, the girls raised their razors. 

Kagome sped through the foam, shaving off hair like a professional. She made sharp turns, extremely dangerous when shaving fast. The judges marveled at her daring.

Kikyo was also quite good. She took things a little slower, ensuring that there would be no cuts. Her skill was one of a modern-day girl who was used to shaving. Suddenly, she made a small cut. Fortunately for her, none of the judges saw. She continued shaving. The judges admired her patience. 

When Kagome was done, she called for water, which appeared. She quickly rinsed off the remaining foam. The judges smiled and gave thumbs ups to each other.

Kikyo finished a little later, but she was hardly losing. She, too, called for water. The foam was washed off, reveling stunning legs. All judges grinned at her performance. 

Kagome then took a daring dive and grabbed a bottle of her favorite lotion, Cotton Candy Dream (I have this lotion… I get high on it too much!). She lightly appiled some on.

Kikyo grabbed another bottle of lotion, homemade. "Green Tea" was a guaranteed moisturizer. After all, her legs were living… er… _dead_… proof! She spread a little on, remembering this time not to suffacate the judges with too much smell. The small cut she had accidentally made earlier was hardly visible and did not bleed. She sighed with relief.

At the same time, the girls yelled, "DONE!"

"Can it be?!" Shippo asked the 'crowds'. "Another tie? Lets see the quailty!"

Naraku jumped happily from side to side.

"What are _you_ so happy about?" Kouga asked.

"Another offspring! Waiting to be made!"

"You mean you're going to make another demon thing… with the leg I worked so hard on?" Kikyo asked, outraged.

"That's right! We didn't do this so you could be happy!" Kagome yelled.

"Well, Granny told me to never waste!" Naraku whispered.

"Oh! Well, when you put it that way… Go ahead!" Kikyo said.

Kagome nodded her head in agreement. 

"The judges will now parade around the legs to see which one is the best!" Shippo called.

Like Shippo commanded, the judges walked around the legs with clipboards (they 'magically' appeared!) and took notes. They examined them extremely carefully, whispering to each other all the while.

Inu Yasha walked up to Shippo and whispered something in his ear. 

"The judges will have the results very soon. Please be patient and wait," Shippo announced.

Kagome and Kikyo were both extremely restless. They walked back and forth, staring at the judges, trying to eavesdrop. Kagura, looking bored, started filing her nails. Sango played with Kirara. Kaede checked out Sesshoumaru's butt. 

"MMMMMM! Ain't his butt SO fine?!" She whispered loudly to Sango.

Sango looked like she swallowed a frog and went behind a tree, where she howled in laughter.

Sesshoumaru had heard Kaede with his excellent hearing and looked very uncomfortable. He tried to stand behind Miroku.

"Now, now, honey! I won't hurt you!" Kaede yelled at his action.

Sesshoumaru quieted a scream on horror and stuttered out, "I-I'm too y-young for you!"

Kaede looked like she was talking to an idiot. "Yeah, whatever, like you aren't Inu Yasha's _older_ brother? And isn't he already 68 or something? Why, you oughta say that you're too old for me!"

Inu Yasha looked huffy at his age being told while Sesshoumaru quickly said, "I'm too old for you!"

Kaede now looked like she was talking to the very young and very stupid. "Oh yeah, and the authoress of all this is sane!" she said sarcastically. (Me: WHAT! I AM TOO SANE! Wait… No, I'm not. Never mind!) 

"B-but, you wouldn't like d-dating me! I'm a total heartbreaker!" Sesshoumaru said in last attempt to make Kaede stop checking him out.

"You should know, dear, in my day, my nickname was the Heartbreaking Queen!" Kaede said, smirking.

"Yeah, in_ her _day!" Naraku whispered to Kouga, who laughed.

"What'd you say?" Kaede said sharply.

"Nothing!"

Inu Yasha grabbed Sesshoumaru, Kouga, and Naraku's shirts and pulled them back to the huddle. When they were finally done whispering, Inu Yasha walked up to Shippo, whose eyes widened at what he heard.

"The judges…"

"Yes, yes, WHAT?!" Kikyo yelled.

"They said…"

"SHIPPO!" Kagome whined.

"The winner is…"

Everyone strained to hear Shippo, who LOVED the attention.

"Is…"

"SHIPPO!" everyone yelled.

"Both of you! It was a tie!"

Everyone fell down anime style while Kagome and Kikyo looked murderously at the judges.

"What so you mean?!" Kikyo asked, outraged.

"Yeah! There's five judges!" Kagome continued, in the same tone.

"Well, it turned out that one of out judges remained neutral!"

"Can I ask which one?" Kikyo asked.

"All we want to tell him is how we appreciate someone being so brave to opposing us, I mean, you're all demons and we're just the strongest miko ancient Japan has seen and we could kill you all in seconds!" Kagome said sweetly.

All the judges fidgeted nervously. Inu Yasha started looking at the sky. 

"Was it you, Naraku?" Kikyo asked.

"Nope!" Naraku quickly said.

"Was it you, Miroku?" Kagome guessed.

"Wasn't me!" 

"Could it have been Sesshoumaru?" 

"As if!"

"So it had to be you, Inu Yasha!" Kikyo yelled.

"How could you?!" Kagome exploded.

"Yeah! How could you, Inu Yasha! I thought you loved me! Now you've left with this… this… this _poopy-head_!"

"Eh? Kikyo, that was pathetic!" Kagome said.

"Well, I'd like to see you do better!"

"FINE! I will!"

"Bring it on!"

"I AM!"

Sango had gotten a bit bored. "Okay, guys, it's getting kinda old."

"But what can we do?" Kagome asked.

"Why don't you guys check again for any cuts or hairs you judges could have missed."

"Hey! That's a good idea!" Kikyo said. _'That girl's dead! My almost perfectly shaved legs will win this! I **will** get Inu Yasha to come to hell with me!'_ she thought.

Kagome was having the same thoughts. _'No doubt her legs aren't as nicely shaved as mine! I've been shaving since I was 12! She's only just started! I mean, why would she have to? She's always wearing that long skirt!' _

All the judges crowded around the legs once again.

"HEY!" Naraku suddenly yelled. "There's a cut on this leg! Whose is it?"

"Uhhhh… That's Kikyo's leg! Kikyo! You made a cut!" Inu Yasha yelled.

"NOOO! That's impossible! I never make mistakes!" Kikyo screamed out. She sounded like she had been convicted of trying to killing her ex. (You did though!) 

"That means I get to keep Inu Yasha!" Kagome cheered.

"You make me sound like a pet of some sort!" Inu Yasha protested.

"NOOO! Inu! You're mine!" Kikyo kept on yelling.

Naraku shook his head. _'Poor, defeated, girl… I bet I can help!'_ "Hey, Kikyo! You want to come to yoga class with me?" he offered.

"SURE!" Kikyo said, interested.

"Let's go then!" Naraku said. The two linked arms and left together.

"Aww! Wasn't that cute?" Kouga asked.

"Yeah! And that's not the best thing! I'm now free!" Kagura whooped.

"That's great! You want me to show you around?" Kouga asked.

"Sure. Why not! You're a prince, right? Give me the best you got!" Kagura said, extremely happy.

Together, the two left.

Rin suddenly appeared. "Who won?" she asked.

"I did!" Kagome said.

"Can I have Shippo, then?" she asked.

"Why don't you asked Shippo himself?" 

"Shippo! Do you wanna come with me?" Rin asked the cowering kitsune.

"N-no!" he answered.

"Alright, then. Come on, Sesshoumaru-sama! Come help me train Jaken!" The small girl grabbed Sesshoumaru's hand and led him away.

"Guess it's just us now!" Miroku happily said, looking at Sango.

She slapped him. "Dream on!"

Kagome and Inu Yasha stood awkwardly next to each other. 

Suddenly, Inu Yasha jumped up. "Oh no! We wasted valuable Shard hunting time! Let's go!"

Everyone sweat dropped. 

Miroku popped up. "Can I keep these legs? They're pretty!"

"MIROKU, YOU ENCHII!" 

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Hiya all! I'm glad you liked this! Please review! There is going to be an epilogue after this, so don't think this is over! After that, there is going to be a few chapters of parody. I've stared writing them and they are really FUNNY! Hope to see you all soon!

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Responses to Reviews:

pissed you were wrong: YAY! A flame! Actually, I knew it could be Chicken Little. However, I have heard both titles used, and decided to use what I did.

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Sorena27: Evil family! I know I'm mad. I've known it since I discovered the joy of sancing barefoot while singing "Girls just wanna have fun." LOL!

Edom: HAHA! Kagome win! YAY! Naraku can be… er… 'strange' LOL! Anyway… I love Ramen… It's good…!

Demon-cat: Yeah, it's Kagome who wins, but it could have been Kikyo! I'm not a great fan of her, though!

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Kyoji Mikamora: KOOL! A guy reader! I was wondering if a guy would read this! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Majik: Thank you so much! You've made my ego reach an all time high!

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Lovely moonlight maiden: Thank you! I've heard that Venus razors do that! My friend gets all huffy about it!

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KFPC: EVIL TOASTERS! DIE! I loved your review! I e-mail you soon with Chapter 4!

Slice: Go Kagome! YEAH!

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ArtemisMoon: You are such a good writer and updater! I'm envious! Keep writing, please!

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Rin281: I'm jealous! I want those books! See you at school!

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Julia-Tears: I'm sending the 'sneak-peeks' right after this! Enjoy them! I loved your review!

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Ryuke-chan aka Naoe: I'm Chinese, too! This is so cool! Thanks for loving this!

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Cooldas: I'm glad you think this is original! I wanted people to laugh when they read this!

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Lady BlackDragonFire: I'm updating! I'm glad you like this! Go crazy! 


	7. An Epilogue to Remember

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha and co. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. However… I'm working on it!

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Chapter 7: An Epilogue to Remember

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed the previous chapter! Isn't Adult Swim nice? Making Inu Yasha one hour long? Two episodes! YAY! 90 reviews! I'm trying to make 100 reviews this time. Anyway, each parody chapter WILL be different. They are NOT connected like a story! Remember that, or you will be VERY confused! Anyway, in this chapter, I will be telling to all about our dear friends and their children after the scarring event! I didn't do Inu Yasha and Kagome's fates after the event because I didn't want to write too much. (Lazy of me, I know!) Well, on with the story! Read and review! 

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What happened to Kikyo and Naraku? Let's relive the fateful day…

After getting to a Tibetan temple, Naraku and Kikyo began to meditate in deep silence.

Kikyo was thinking about how to kill Inu Yasha and Kagome when she heard a deep snore. She turned her head to Naraku and opened her eyes. 

Naraku had his head on his shoulder and was taking a nap. 

Kikyo yelled at him to wake up.

Just that moment, the yoga teacher came in.

"Okay, kiddies. This ain't no Tellytubby show. We are really going to do some serious stretching!" said the sergeant-like teacher.

Kikyo rolled her eyes. She hated men like this.

"YES SIR!" Naraku screamed.

"Okay…? I'm going away now!" Kikyo said, scared.

"Oh, come on! Don't be scared of Doc Lobotomy!" Naraku said cheerfully.

"As in 'A guy who kills insane people by sticking iron sticks into their brains and twirling it around?'" Kikyo squeaked 

Before Naraku could answer, 'Doc Lobotomy' pulled out a long, metal rod and poked his finger on it to test the sharpness.

A round of unimaginable swearing was heard. "Yup! Nice and sharp!" Doc Lobotomy said.

Kikyo trembled.

"Okay! Let's do some nice stretching!" Doc Lobotomy said. He went into dog pose. He looked like he was mooning everyone.

Something-You-Didn't-Want-To-Know-But-I'm-Telling-You-Anyway Author Note:

I swear, my school is a mooning hell! I was sitting in my seat, working like a good girl I am, when this guy came up and leaned on the girl who sits next to mine's desk! It was ICK! My eyes were burning… literally! The image will be forever scarred into my brain! Sad, isn't it?! And he wasn't even hot! If he was hot… now… that's a different story! Back to the story!

Kikyo recalled when Sesshoumaru had screamed about virgin eyes, and felt the same thing. Not that the teacher was ugly or anything… but he just wasn't a Prince Charming with his buff muscles and 'interesting' name! 

Naraku hissed at her, and she realized that everyone was in dog post but her. Kikyo went down, too. 

After about two minutes, they straightened up.

Doc Lobotomy then went into cobra position. He now looked like he was showing his manly cleavage. 

Kikyo grimaced and turned around so she would not see him. Unfortunately, she now faced Naraku.

She was just about to turn around once again, when Doc Lobotomy yelled. "Hey you! Yes, YOU! GET INTO DOG POSE… NOW!"

Kikyo obediently went into dog pose.

Naraku thought that Kikyo had feelings for him. I mean, she _was_ basically mooning him with her chest! He whistled at her.

Kikyo instantly stood up. "What in the name of *BEEP* did that mean?!" she screamed, outraged.

Naraku gulped. "I just did that to…er… express the tension being released by stretching!" he tried.

"Yeah, right!" 

Doc Lobotomy was mad (A/N: Don't get mad, get Glad! I've been watching too much TV!). "Are you two going to work or just jabber?!" he asked angrily. 

"I'm _so_ sorry, Mr. High and Mighty!" Kikyo snapped. "Maybe I'll just go!"

Doc Lobotomy looked like she had slapped him in the face. Then he started crying. "That stupid therapist! He tells me to do this and this is what I get!"

Naraku looked interested. "Who's your therapist?" he asked.

"Some guy with a beard!"

"Hey! My therapist has a beard and he gives bad advice too! Maybe we have the same one!"

Doc Lobotomy stopped crying. "Yeah, maybe! Let's go find him!"

"HEY! What about me?!" Kikyo hollered at them.

"Come with us!" 

"Okay…?"

12 Years Later ~

"Chibi-Naraku, get your meditating butt back here!" Mother Kikyo yelled at her son, a Tibetan monk.

"Never! You shall never get your hands on me!" Chibi Naraku hollered back. 

"But you HAVE to come to the 'Shave Reunion'! You must show that stupid reincarnation of mine whose child had the best legs now! BWAHAHAHA!" 

Chibi-Naraku looked at his mother like she was insane (which she basically was). "I am NOT going shave my blessed legs just for your wretched amusement!" he snarled, sounding a lot like his father.

"You dare speak to me that way? After all the time I loved and mothered you?! You ungrateful child!" Kikyo said tearfully. 

"You mean all those times you used me for testing your poisons for that Kagome person and telling Daddy that you had an affair with the Doc Lobotomy guy!" 

"I did NOT have an affair with Bob!"

"So then… why do you know his first name?" Chibi-Naraku asked suspiciously.

"Because I do!" she snapped. "Oh, come on! Can't we PLEASE go?! I'll do anything!"

"Really…?" he grinned evilly, much like his father (who was at a ballet session with 'Bob').

"What do you want?" Kikyo sighed, pulling out her purse.

"Massages for a month!" 

"WHAT?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Kikyo screeched in a perfected manner.

"Fine then! I won't go!"

"UGH! FINE! YOU WIN! LET'S GO!"

Chibi-Naraku smirked. "Where's your razor?" 

"Third cabinet from the bottom in the bathroom under the poison testing room," she recited. How long she had wanted to say that! 

"Wow, Mom! That's amazing! I didn't even know that there was a third cabinet from the bottom in the bathroom under the poison testing room!" 

"Well, there is! And don't touch the bottle of thing called Nair! Touch that and you'll be ruined!" she warned.

At the Memorable Place of Shaving ~

All our 'friends' stood at the 'judging of the legs' place. They shared stories about what had happened after the event.

Rin had Jaken on a leash.

"Well, after me and Sessie-sama and Ol' Dirty Toad left, we started training him! Sessie-sama threatened to kill Jaken a couple of times when he didn't do what I wanted, but it was okay. Now look! Ol' Toad has finally pulled it through! He's in the Sengoku jidai Book of Records, the Ancient Japan's Book of Untamed Ogres (Jaken glared), How to Train Ugly Animals (more glaring), and more!" said the now teenage Rin, happily showing off. "He can do a lot of tricks, like playing his nose, which is surprising because I don't think he would be able too! He's not too good, though… I think it's too deformed!" 

Sesshoumaru was looking really, really bored. "Yeah, yeah. The only good thing we got out of it was a lot of money."

"And what's so bad about that?" Rin piped up.

"I dunno?! Too many guys asking me out?!" Sesshoumaru asked hatefully.

Rin went into her 'How-could-you-do-this-tome-I-didn't-do-anything' mode. "B-but, Sessie-sama, I was just asking and y-you _yell_ at me and all I did was ask you a question. Y-you're so _MEEAAAAANNNNNNN_!" she said with a howl.

Sesshoumaru instantly forgave her. "I-I'm sorry Rin! I didn't mean it!" he said, giving her a fatherly hug.

Behind his back, Rin smirked and mouthed, '_SUCKER!_'

"Rin, that was so KEWL! Show me how to train ugly things!" said the now teenage and tall Shippo, appearing from nowhere. He was tall and very HOT.

Rin stepped back from Sesshoumaru's hug (frightening, I know!). Her mind was going, '_Me-OUCH! Bring in the ice, baby! Boy is he smoldering._' 

"S-shippo?" she asked questionably.

"Yeah! You still recognize me!" he said.

Sesshoumaru say Rin's flushed face. _'Ahhh! Young, love! How sweet! Maybe I'll get to finally get that surgery I wanted!'_ (A/N: Okay, the 'surgery' thing is going to be explained in the parody.) 

"Rin, why don't you show Shippo how you trained Jaken?" he asked.

Inu Yasha's eyes bugged out. No way. Sesshoumaru, being helpful? Impossible! 

He (Inu Yasha) looked over at his mate, Kagome, and sighed. Could it had been already 12 years? And Kagome finally his?

Kagome noticed his stare. "What?" she asked innocently.

"Nothing. Only thinking about when we met and how Shippo and Rin are hitting off."

Shippo and Rin both blushed when they heard Inu Yasha's comment.

Kagome smiled. "Now Shippo, 'play nice' with Rin! We don't want Sesshoumaru going after your pelt, now, would we?" she asked tenderly. Shippo was now her adopted son, her only child.

Shippo bowed his head to hide his blush. "Yes, Kag-mom," he muttered. 

"Good boy! Now go off!" 

Rin and Shippo dragged a pleading Jaken off.

"Well, that was nice!" Sesshoumaru said.

"Hey, everyone! What's up?" Kagura asked, her arm around Kouga, her mate.

"Oh, hi! Hi Kouga-kun!" Kagome said, sounding surprised and delighted. 

Inu Yasha's eyes narrowed at his rival. He glared and silently growled.

Kouga noticed and said quite cheerfully, "Don't worry, dog-turd! I have a mate! Kagura! How are you and Kagome?"

"Uh, good?" he offered, a bit confused. 

"So, Kagura, what did you guys do after the incident?" Kagome asked, striking up conversation.

Kagura and Kouga looked dreamy for a second. 

"Well," Kagura started, "After we left, Kouga showed me around the place. I mean, I knew where everything was and all, but Kouga showed me how to enjoy them while being free…"

"And afterwards, I showed her to the boys and they really liked her so I changed my mind about chasing after you and went after Kagura instead! Besides, she was a lot easier to get; not having another guy after her."

"That's great! Have any kids?" Kagome asked.

"Yeah, they're home. A girl and two boys, all young," Kouga answered proudly.

"They have the power of wolves and wind! It's very impressive!"

"So they have Naraku's power in them?" Inu Yasha asked hesitantly.

"You know, after Naraku freed me, the mark on my back disappeared, along with any sign of his aura," Kagura answered.

"What happened to your sister, Kanna?" Kagome suddenly asked, remembering the little white girl of nothingness, also spawn of Naraku.

"She, well, disappeared! I didn't look for her, and I didn't try either. She and I weren't close; she hardly talked!" 

"What happened to you and Dog-turd?" Kouga asked.

"Well, Naraku basically gave us the rest of the Shikon Jewel… Inu Yasha, instead of wishing to be a full demon, wished for me to stay with him, forever until our deaths. The Jewel evaporated after that and we've been living happily ever since!" Kagome said, staring at Inu Yasha in a loving way.

Suddenly, their nice talks were disrupted by a loud voice. Kikyo had come!

"Well, well, well! If it isn't my pitiful reincarnation?! How are you, uhm?" she asked, sneering.

"Oh, Kikyo! I didn't expect you to come back and totally embarrass yourself with defeat again!" Kagome said in a evil, yet nice way. (A/N: You know, when you say 'Hi, sexy,' to some guy/girl but you're only using him/her of revenge, stuff, etc! You know, like a playgirl/boy!) 

Kikyo glared at Kagome, but in the same voice, said, "So! How are your children's legs?"

"Oh, me and Inu Yasha don't have any children. However, we did adopt Shippo! You _know_, he adorable little fox!" Kagome said knowingly.

"What?! That's not fair! I shaved my legs for nothing?!" Chibi-Naraku yelled.

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked. 

"I told him to shave his legs so we can re-compete," Kikyo explained.

Kagome lowered her head. Her shoulders shook. Suddenly, she went into an uncontrollable laughing fit. "HAHAHA! A GUY, SHAVING! HAHAHAHA! Man, Kikyo, are you dumb! Making your own HAHAHA son shave! Did you HAHAHA make him use Nair, too?! HAHAHA!" 

Kikyo growled like a demon. "My dear reincarnation, would you like to BRING IT ON?!"

"What the-?" Kagome said, surprised. "Isn't that _so_ last decade?" 

Kikyo looked embarrassed. "N-no! It came back, um, yesterday!"

Suddenly, Miroku yelled out, "HEY, KIKYO! ISN'T THAT NARAKU MAKING OUT WITH SOME FAT GUY?!" 

Kikyo spun around. "What do you mea-! NARAKU! WHAT THE *BEEP this program is not suitable for children under the age of 53, please wait while we BEEP out of the parts where people start screaming like each other. We now return you to your regular program BEEP* ARE YOU DOING?! HE IS _SOOOO_ MY SUGAR DADDY!" 

Naraku spun around and saw Kikyo. He looked like he screamed and grabbed Doc Lobotomy. Dragging him behind himself, Naraku ran into the woods, where soon after Rin and Shippo ran screaming out, dragging Jaken after them. They ran to Sesshoumaru, who took them away. Kikyo enraged face freaked Inu Yasha so much that he leapt behind Kagome, who looked sheepish. Inu Yasha then pulled Kagome away. Miroku and Sango's three children woke up from the noise and started screaming at _Jaken's_ beat up face. (A/N: It _IS_ scary!) Their parents had to take them to their hut to quiet them. Kagura, seeing Naraku and fearing recapture, ran away. Kouga, of course, ran after her, and they disappeared. Kikyo ran after Naraku and Doc Lobotomy, and she went bye-bye. 

Kaede suddenly rambled to the meeting place. "Sorry kids, had to flirt with the guys at the bar while you all talked… Hey! Where is everybody?" 

Crickets start chirping in reply. A tumbleweed blows past. The wind whistles.

Standing alone, Kaede decided to whether flirt with the guys at the bar again, or head over to the teahouse to become a geisha.

Talking to no one, she said, "Geisha. Yup." And she walked away… 

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Hey, everyone! Happy New Year! Sorry for the late update! I was on vacation! Okay, I think that this was the longest chapter for this story yet, but the worst. I really think I did a bad job of making you people laugh. There was, like, no humor at all. Oh, well. Tell me what you thought! Review! It inspires me to write! Watch out for the parody chapter!

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Responses to Reviews:

KFPC: What's up?! I loved chapter 5 of your story! It was awesome! Toasters… They are really things that eat bread! They steal your bread and give you toast!

Slice: Thank you for thinking so! Sharing is caring it can be fun!

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Shannon: I read your fic before! I laughed so hard I almost cried! I just forgot to review!

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Sorena27: Parody is very funny! The first chapter of it will be out next week!

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Lady BlackDragonFire: It's posted! I hope you enjoyed it! You love my story! It warms my heart and soul!

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WarriorGL: Sango did have her vote! I like the little perv too! And I think Miroku's meditating is his form of spying on people sometime!

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Julia-Tears: I can't wait for your story! Did you love what I did with Rin and Jaken? 

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Rin281: Hi Rachelle! I was at your house!

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ArtemisMoon: Your story stopped! WAHHH! Still loved the ending though! Talk about booby prize, eh? 

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Cooldas: Now you know! Thanks for reviewing!

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Tatsu-chan: Hi girl! What's up? It's great to hear from you again! I'll be SO happy to see your stories updated! Camp of the Chaotics will be up very soon! Thanks for your always-nice review! Kouga yours! 


	8. The Man Who Changed

Disclaimer: I don't own Vis, so how can I own Inu Yasha and co.? 

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Parody, Part I: The Man Who Changed

Author's Note:

Happy Birthday! Okay, so it might not be your birthday, but happy birthday anyway! All the same, thanks for the reviews! I'm so happy that I have 100 reviews! You guys don't know what it means to me! Oh, and also thanks to the people who read my other story! Hey, better get to the story now! You guys know what to do when you're done!

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(A/N: This is set when Kagome is done shaving during the contest.)

Sesshoumaru looked at all the judges. Gulping, he went up to them.

"I, too, would like to 'try out' for the best feminine legs," he said quietly.

"WHAT?!" the judges all yelled.

"You're not a woman… are you?" Naraku asked.

"Sesshoumaru? My own brother? A gay? A homo? A transvestite?" Inu Yasha asked, disbelieving. 

Sesshoumaru looked bored. "Look, now, compete, then, I answer questions. Got it?" he snapped.

"B-but, why, m'lord Sesshoumaru?" the 'Toad' asked. (Oh, come on! You know who it is?!)

Sesshoumaru didn't even say anything to Jaken. Instead, he turned to the judges. "Look, I only want to see how much I'm better than them, okay? Boost up my ego for once."

Inu Yasha and the other judges huddled together. 

"Well, it'll be a good one for a laugh!" Naraku said, hoping to laugh at someone other than himself. 

"Uhm… You're right about that! After so many years of taunts, he'll finally be humiliated… Hahaha… Hahaha… Hahaha… HAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Inu Yasha started laughing like a maniac. 

Miroku got tired of it and slapped him on the head, making him shut up. He looked around to see how the 'ladies' were reacting to new competition. '_How sad…_' he thought. 

The ladies and Sesshoumaru seemed to be getting along very well. Miroku and the others caught snatches of their conversation… about makeup.

"See, how to keep your makeup from smearing all the time and not melting, the true method of it all is to keep your cool at all times," Sesshoumaru explained.

The girls looked fascinated. 

"Wow! I always thought you had to buy a lot of those 'non-melt' makeup products, but this is just amazing!" Kagome said.

Sesshoumaru looked uncomfortable. "Well, you still kinda do…" he muttered under his breath.

"Oh well! It's not my money anyway!" Kagome said happily. 

"Whose is it?" Kikyo asked.

"Kouga's!" 

Kouga heard. "Is she just using me for my money?" he said sorrowfully to himself.

Kagome instantly ran over to him. She couldn't lose her one source of big money, now could she? "Oh, Kouga, what are you talking about? I wouldn't ever cheat on you with other men or use you for your money! How could you think such a thing?!" she purred.

Sango rolled her eyes. Two lies, both _so_ obvious. "As if!" she muttered.

Kagome glared at her in a friendly way. 

Sesshoumaru grew more impatient by the minute. "So can I?" he asked.

"What?" Inu Yasha innocently said.

"Can I be in the competition!" Sesshoumaru snapped.

"Urm, the judges and I decided that you may participate in the contest, as long as you still judge and do not vote for yourself," Inu Yasha said. 

"All RIGHT!" Sesshoumaru cheered.

Rin, on the sidelines, cheered and had changed into cheerleading clothes, complete with pom-poms. "GO SESSIE-SAMA! GO SESSIE, GO SESSIE!" she whooped. 

'_Urgh, she's just like those 'preppys' at school!_' Kagome thought, disgusted. '_Ah, well, she's young… still got hope…_'

Sesshoumaru wondered on what to do. "Erm, what should I do? Parade around pant-less?"

Staring at the bewildered look on everyone's face, he quickly snapped, "Not that way! God, you guys are sickos! Gosh, I expected that from Miroku, but you guys… just plain sad…"

Rin still looked amazed. "Are you a prostitute?" she asked.

Sesshoumaru gasped and fell over backwards. "Rin, who told you about those things?" he asked solemnly.

Without giving a care, Rin replied, "Jaken. He said that if I wouldn't listen to him I would be one and then I asked him what they were and he said people who walk around with no pants. Was he lying to me?"

Everyone's mouth gapped open. The women started glaring at Jaken, who was gulping rather nervously.

"Jaken…" Sesshoumaru hissed dangerously. "What did you think you were walking about?"

"M-m'lord, I w-was just , erm, ex-explaining to the h-human wench w-what-" all the human women stopped him from talking and started beating him up. 

"You little toad!" Kikyo screeched. Surprisingly, the dead woman still had her motherly instincts.

"How could you?!" Kagome yelled.

Sango glared at him and took out her Boomerang Bone. "You die today…" she growled.

Kaede looked merciless. "Ye shall see the LEGS once again!"

Jaken, used to all the hitting and kicking, heard the word 'legs' and screamed. "No, no, m'lady, anything but '_those_'!"

"Girls, look away," she warned. They needed no second warning. Kaede raised her legs, and made Jaken look at them. Oh, the horrifying legs of doom! Oh, the terrible screams of pain heard by the misfortunate demon! 

When Jaken fainted, Kaede stopped. "Boy, hair grows back fast! I better go wax them!" she said as she walked away.

"Er, okay…" Inu Yasha said. "Can we get to Sesshoumaru showing us his legs?" 

"Oh, Inu Yasha! I didn't know you had such feelings for me!" Sesshoumaru exclaimed.

"I don't! Just let us judge!" 

"Alright, alright! You don't have to be so bossy!"

Sesshoumaru lifted up his left pant leg.

The unexpected whiteness! The incredible smoothness! The leg was hairless, smooth, and very 'firm'. 

Everyone gawked at Sesshoumaru, who did the dramatic, 'I know you want to look like this,' expression.

"So, what do you think?" he asked.

"Marvelous!" Naraku said. "You must teach me the art of such beautiful legs!"

"Sesshoumaru! That's amazing!" Inu Yasha said, awe and a new-found respect shining in his eyes.

"Better than Kagome's!" Kouga sighed.

Miroku said, "Are you sure you're a guy?"

Sesshoumaru looked uncomfortable. "Well, er…WellinthefutureyoucangetsexchangesandIdecidedtogetonenowI'magirl."

"WHAT?!" they all asked. 

"Well, in the future you can get sex changes and I decided to get one. Now I am 100% woman!" he…er…she said.

Inu Yasha's new found respect went out the window. "You're a pathetic girl?" he asked.

The women were not happy with this comment.

"Get him, girls!" Kagome yelled.

"Too bad Kaede isn't here to show him what the 'Legs' look like again!" Kikyo yelled.

"Yeah, tell me about it!" Sango hollered.

After Inu Yasha was more or less dead, the 'ladies' stopped.

Miroku still looked amazed. "You mean in a way, you can bear your own child?" he asked.

"I guess… in a way…" 

Kagome then remembered something. "Hey, _Miss_ Sesshoumaru! How did you go to the future?"

Sesshoumaru looked uneasy. "Well, you know… the well thing…"

"You can go through the well?!" she asked.

"Yeah… It made my clothes dirty! You guys are so mean to me!" s/he exploded.

"What?" Kagome asked.

"I hate being a girl! PMS is the worst!" s/he sobbed.

"Okay…?" Sango said.

"Can I get one?" Miroku asked.

"I dunno… Here, let's go and leave these fools!" Sesshoumaru replied.

Together, they left arm in arm.

Sango turned red. "HOW COULD YOU, MIROKU? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" she screamed.

"Yeah, well, before I met Sesshoumaru…!" Miroku said.

"Be that way! I don't love you anyway!" she sobbed.

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Hey everyone! Happy New Year! Love ya all for your support! Thanks to everyone! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I had Sango about to neuter Miroku, but that would make you all mad. Oh well! HAHA! Review! I'm aiming for 110! Only 5 away! 

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Responses to Reviews:

Merthedil Contril: Haha! This was bad fan fiction? Ah, well! I hoped you did think it was funny!

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Rin281: Hey, I have a couple stories going here! It took a long time!

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ArtemisMoon: Actually, I'm not sure if it _is_ Naraku and Kikyo's child. It could be _Bob_ and Kikyo's! *shudder*

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Julia-Tears: Go nuts. It brings happiness to everyone! BTW, I didn't see your story yet!

Saria: Thanks for liking this story! I enjoyed your review!

Tare: Thank you, thank you! Your review made me feel big!

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KFPC: OMG! Did she finally find out, about the squirrel thing?! Disaster! Don't let her get close to me! I'll turn into red squirrel! Hey, Juli-chan, what color squirrel where you during the 'Squirrel Protest' in fifth grade? I knew Kaede was a robot! No on can say 'ye' so much!

DEMON_SLAYER951- I know. I was demented at the time and it was going to be a one shot, but the reviews just made me write more!

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Tatsu: Get over the cold! I must get more of your stories! Guys, shaving, that's just scary! 

100th Reviewer! It's you Cassie! Yup! Thanks for all the support and everything! I really appreciate it! Yay! Everyone party! Your review made my ego swell! And you read the annoying author notes! 

Edom: NOOOO! That's not fair! I'm going to find out how to work the recorder! That's just MEAN! That's not fair of Adult Swim! God! I really hate Adult Swim now! 

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Inuyasha the 2nd: I read your story! It was really good! Continue writing!

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Shannon: Be afraid, be very afraid! Nair is very dangerous! LOL!

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Cooldas: Did you like the parody? Haha! Thanks for your review!

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ChibiNeko: You are the best! You know how people's egos swell with too many compliments? Well, mine just exploded! LOL! I'm gonna read your story! 


	9. New Disturbing Loves!

Disclaimer: No, I still haven't willed Rumiko Takahashi to give me Inu Yasha and co. Jeez, I'm running out of death threats! 

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Ready, Set, SHAVE! 

Parody, Part II: New (Disturbing) Loves!

Author's Note:

Thank you for all the reviews! I loved them to death! I got over 110 reviews! Yay! *Does happy dance* So happy! Wants to go crazy! Bad news, this story is going to end in two parodies. Meaning this is the second to last chapter for this story. However, don't worry! I have a new story coming out, just as funny! If you want a warning on how scary it is, go read my super long bio. Okay? Okay. Now, for to story! Don't you forget to review! 

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(A/N: This all takes place right at the end of chapter 5, just when the final showdown began.)

Kikyo and Kagome shaved with amazing grace and speed. 

The judges intently stared at their working process. The hairy and disgusting legs almost immediately turned beautifully white and amazing. 

"Sugio!" everyone murmured. 

"This is incredible, folks!" Shippo yelled, looking and sounding like the reporter for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. "The speed, accuracy, and doesn't seem just to be us! Look at the judges! Why don't we step over to talk to them personally!"

Shippo briskly walked towards our beloved judges. He stopped, deciding to talk to our favorite pervert, Miroku. He seemed to have the most experience anyway! 

"So, Judge Miroku, what do you think of these two lady's work?" he asked brightly. 

Miroku, eyes not leaving the two women, said, "In all my years of painful, but exhilarating groping, these are some of the most luscious booties I have ever seen!"

Sango, Inu Yasha, and Naraku all instantly had a vein pop (several, in fact!). They walked over to Miroku, who didn't notice and kept on staring, and smacked him soundly on the head. Miroku fell over and died. (Miroku jumps up and smacks authoress on the head. OWWIEEE!!!!!) Change mind, Miroku was just very, very fainted.

Meanwhile, Kagome was in the middle of shaving when Kikyo suddenly drew out a bottle of acid and 'spilled' it all over Kagome's leg, making burns and holes.

"AHH! Kikyo, what did you do that for?" Kagome screamed.

Kikyo put the bottle away, and calmly continued shaving her leg. "What _do_ you mean, my _dear_ reincarnation?" 

"The holes! The acid! The unfairness of you bribing the authoress into writing this!" 

"I did NOT bribe the writer. I just gave her some money and a promise to share Inu Yasha once I won!" Kikyo said stiffly. 

"So you did!"

"Did not!"

"You did, too!"

"No, I didn't!

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

Kouga gets impatient. "Can't you guys just continue?!" 

"Okay!" the girls both say.

Kagome continued to try to shave her damaged legs, while Kikyo smirked. 

Finally, both of the girls finished.

"Surely you can see that my leg is so much better than my pathetic reincarnations!" Kikyo gloated. "Besides, my leg was also made better than hers! Look at those holes!" 

"You mean Naraku's involved?" Kagome shrieked. 

"_No_…!" was her 'serious' reply. "How could you think such a thing!" 

"But Kikyo, you did bribe me!" Naraku whined.

"Shut _up_!" Kikyo hissed. 

"Why. Didn't your mommy ever tell you that lying, cheating, and killing was bad for you?" Naraku asked innocently.

Sango rolled her eyes. "Yeah. And coming from a guy like him, too."

Naraku continued his speech. "But of course, I never listened to her because Mommy was a real annoying person sometime. And when I was 5, I put a spider on the table for her to see, but all she did was scream and squish it. She looked mad and started screaming at me-"

"Naraku, continue your life story some other time," Kikyo said, looking bored. 

"But-"

"No 'buts'. Well, come on you hot bishonens! Start judging!" Kikyo yelled.

Naraku and Miroku looked joyous.

"I meant everyone but Naraku and Miroku," Kikyo said, correcting herself. 

Naraku and Miroku drooped in sadness.

"Maybe I should become a woman like Sesshoumaru, or at least get in touch with feminine side. I mean, women seem to hate me!" Naraku said. 

Seeing Sesshoumaru's glare, he mentally slapped himself. "OW!" he yelled.

"WHAT?!" everyone else yelled back.

"I mentally slapped myself and it HURRRRT!" he bawled.

Everyone slaps Naraku again. (A/N: Can anyone tell? I'm pissed at Naraku just right now.)

"Look, if you guys aren't going to judge, I'm going to my ballet rehearsal. We're doing 'Sleeping Beauty' this year!" Sesshoumaru said, tapping his foot impatiently. 

"What part did you get, Sesshoumaru? Prince Phillip?" Naraku asked.

"NO! I'm playing Aurora! Or Briar Rose, whatever!" Sesshoumaru said, looking very pissed.

"Um, you guys. Those names came out of the Disney version of 'Sleeping Beauty'," Kagome said.

"_No_! Briar Rose was the original name!" Sesshoumaru argued.

"Look, my voice is hoarse, can we just get this over with?" Kagome asked.

"Uh, okay!" Sesshoumaru said.

"Um, so what do you guys think?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah! Wasn't I telling the truth?" Kikyo said, bragging to her hearts content.

"Hmmmmmmmmm…" Inu Yasha said, looking it over. "They're both really good…"

"Whadya mean, _both_? Can't you tell that mine's so much better?" Kikyo screeched.

"Kikyo, shut up! We've had a long day!" Kouga yelled at her.

Kikyo stared at him with her eyes wide open. "D-did you just _yell_ at me?" She sounded disbelieving.

Kouga fidgeted. "Well, yeah?"

Kikyo went all dreamy. "I've never had a guy yell at me so angrily at me before…" she said, reaching over to him and stroking his cheek seductively.

Kagome's eyes narrowed. '_Okay, this has gone too long! First she takes Inu Yasha, well he was her's before, but no one know that, and now Kouga! That bi*ch!_' 

Kouga looked a bit surprised. _'Wow. I didn't realize how much she looks like Kagome! What should I do?_' (A/N: You idiot! You're going to change out of your kilt. NOW! And the furry leggings!) 

Kikyo purred in his ear.

Inu Yasha and Naraku threw up. 

Sesshoumaru was thinking (A/N: OMG! Naw, _really_?). '_Is is just me, or is Naraku looking at me with loving eyes?_' 

The voice in his head went, 'No duh. YES, he's looking at you with lovey-dovey eyes.'

'_Can someone really love me?_'

'Yes. Pookey the Teddy Bear did. Then he ran off with your half brother, _Inu_ _Yasha_!'

'_Not this time, Inu Yasha! This time, I get to be gay!_'

He stomped over to Inu Yasha and poked his chest. 

"What?" Inu Yasha asked, still looking a bit sick from Kikyo and Kouga. 

"You can't have him!" Sesshoumaru said bluntly.

"I can't have who?" Inu Yasha asked, looking confused. "If you're talking about Pookey, you cut his legs off."

"That was Pookey? I killed Pookey! Oh, someone kill _me_! I killed the only one I loved at the age of 7!" Sesshoumaru said, the despair in his voice was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. 

"Sesshoumaru, shut up with the dramatics!" Inu Yasha snarled. "Who aren't I getting?"

"Naraku! I'm in love with him and you can't take him away from me!" he ran to Naraku and threw himself onto him.

Naraku looked dazed. "What?" he asked.

"You, you hot sexy man, oh, take me!" 

Naraku screamed. "Wait… Didn't I diss you and you got mad at me?" 

"Yes, but money skins turn me on."

"Oh. Do you want to run off into the sunset like all strange people do?"

"Yeah!" 

So the two 'villains' ran off into the sunset (even though it was noon, but no one knows that) and lived happily ever after.

"Um, that was strange," Kouga said dumbly.

"Yeah. Let's get back to getting to snog," Kikyo said.

"Alright!" Kouga cheered.

And Kikyo and Kouga happily snogged (kissed, but I like making it sound semi-English) away, and never bothered anyone (but the innocent people that were in their way) for the rest of their fused-to-the-lips lives. 

"What are we going to do with the contest, then?" Kagome asked.

"I dunno!" Inu Yasha said. "You shouldn't depend on me all the time, wench!"

"What are you talking about? I never depended on you!" Kagome retorted.

"Yes, you did!"

"Like when?"

"Like when you were about to die!"

"What time was I about to die?"

"Um, when Sesshoumaru tried to kill you… when Naraku tried to kill you… when Kikyo tried to kill you… when-"

"Oh yeah? What about the times when Sesshoumaru tried to kill _you_? What about the times when Naraku tried to kill _you_? And that time when Kikyo tied to drag you into hell? What about that? Huh? Well, Mr. Macho, huh?"

"Er, well… that was different!"

"Yeah, _hell_ right!"

"Of course!" he scoffed. 

"How?"

"I don't know."

"But you're all smart, right?"

"Ye-_NO_!" 

"Of course you're smart!"

"Yeah, but- OH LOOK! A FLYING RAT!"

"Inu Yasha, that's a pigeon."

"Well- OH LOOK! IT'S KIKYO TRYING TO STAB YOU!"

"That… dead thing! Doesn't she ever stop?" Kagome turned around. Inu Yasha ran. Kagome turns back. Kagome gets maad and races after them.

Sango and Miroku stand alone together.

"So… you want to grab something to eat?" Miroku asked Sango.

"Er… sure!"

They walk away… until: "YOU ENCHII! DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"

"But Miroku! Your butt is so nice and firm looking! 

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How did you like this parody chapter? I want 5 reviews! A bit much, but nothing you guys can't handle! Beware of the newest chapter! It might bring nightmares to all your happy dreams… I mean, who wants to see- WAIT! If I tell you guys, it won't be _fun_! Heh heh heh! *^_^*! Oh yeah, and if any of you *cough*Chibi-chan*cough* hate Kouga, read _his_ claim to fame on ArtemisMoon's response. LOL! Also, if you have read 'Camp of the Chaotics', you already know Pookey the Teddy Bear. **L**ots**O**f**L**aughs! Haha! 

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Responses to Reviews:

Snowgirl: OMG!!!!!!! One of my favorite authors read my fic! *Runs in circles* OMG! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so inspired now! I'm going off to write more! I love your stories soooo much! They are soooo good, but I get lazy so I don't review… Ick. Well, please continue your stories, too!

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Nikki-chan: I hope you didn't break any ribs laughing! LOL! Hope you liked this chapter, too!

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Julia-Tears: You'll love the next chapter! I know it! I can feel it in my bones! Gosh, how long is the first chapter of your fic? Well, hurry and thanks for the review!

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ArtemisMoon: I know nobody is supposed to know this, but I'm telling you anyway. You see, a long time ago, Kouga wasn't a prince. He was a prostitute living in a cardboard box. And he didn't even own the box! He was rooming with a hobo named Harry! Anyway, after he slept his way to a prince, he couldn't break his habits, so he continued his job. Now you know. However, the reason this story isn't told a lot is because Kouga fans want to kill me when I tell it… LOL! Thanks for the review!

Ari Sky: I know you won't be seeing this any time soon, but hey! Who cares! Thanks for the review, Kay-chan!

Edom: *shoves your friend Tojo over a bridge* I can tell you know, even without meeting your friend, that I AM the BIGGEST Fluffy-chama fan in the world. I'm also a priestess to his shrine! I love him… He's soooo cool! Anyway, the only reason I made Fluffy a homo is because he's funnier that way. Oh well! I'm glad you still liked this story! 

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ChibiNeko: Oh NO! Crazy Chibi-chan on a rampage! What can we do? Run for your lives! LOL. HAHA! Anyway, remember how I love Miroku, too! It pained me to do that to him! I'll e-mail, too after this!

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Cooldas: Oh! You just wait for my next story… The world will never know what hit them. For a summary, go to my bio page. It's really long. 


	10. Victoria's Secret!

Disclaimer: I don't *sniff* own Inu Yasha and co. *sob* I do own *snivel* this story and the plot. Oh, and I also don't own Victoria's Secrets.

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Parody, Part III: Victoria's Secret!

Author's Note:

I'm SAD! This is the last chapter and I wanna keep writing! All good things must come to an end, but does it have to happen to me? Oh! Over the summer or spring break and if I get inspiration, I just might write a little more 'cuz I just LOVE writing this story! Thank you all for the reviews! I loved them to pieces! Now, on to the story!

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(A/N: This is just when Sesshoumaru says that he's going to compete!)

Jaken gawked at his master. "B-but M'Lord Sesshoumaru! What are you talking about? Isn't it enough that you are playing the part of a woman in a play?" he stuttered out.

"Jaken, what are you, my mother?"

"No, M'Lord, b-but you just can't-"

"Why not?"

"B-because!"

"Try and stop me then!" Sesshoumaru said, sounding like a teenager.

'_I'm doing this for you, M'Lord Sesshoumaru!_' Jaken thought. "I'll take your place!"

Everyone was silent. Sesshoumaru's mouth dropped like a brick falling from the 100th floor of some tall, tall building. 

Then, when the shock of it was over, everyone started laughing. 

"What's the point then? We'll know who _won't_ win!" Inu Yasha said, laughing in between breaths. 

Jaken (tried to) glare at Inu Yasha dangerously.

Sesshoumaru, for once, was agreeing with his younger brother. "Yeah Jaken! Do you expect me to let you do this? You're more insane than ugly!" 

Jaken soberly frowned. "Please, M'Lord! Give me a chance!" 

Sesshoumaru's expression was thoughtful for a moment. He then waved everyone over. They went into a huddle.

"Here's the deal: I'm bored and I want to see someone other than my brother act stupid, so let's let him do it. In the end, no one will vote for him anyway!" Sesshoumaru whispered.

Kagome nodded. "You're right. We need some serious entertainment around here. I mean, it's just so boring!"

"Whadja mean, boring?" Inu Yasha asked, insulted.

"I mean, here's my life: Wake up, get chased by demons, killing demons, getting shards, arguing with you, sleep."

"That's not true!" Inu Yasha protested.

"Yeah? Well, what else do we do then?"

"Err… We…"

"What?"

"We um… we…"

"A-HA! You don't know! Which means that I'm smarter than you!" 

"You are NOT!"

By this time, both of them were yelling and waving their arms around. 

"SHUT UP!" Sesshoumaru yelled.

Kagome and Inu Yasha both quickly shut up but still grumbled quietly.

"Stupid wench." 

"Idiot hanyou."

"Spoiled brat."

"Ungrateful jerk."

"I though I told you guys to SHUT UP!" Sesshoumaru yelled the last part.

"Oh, yeah!" they both innocently said. (A/N: My, aren't we SLOW today!)

"Right. So, do you guys agree with me or not?" Sesshoumaru asked, now whispering.

A chorus of yes, sure, and let's do it was heard.

Sesshoumaru got up and walked to the waiting Jaken. 

"Jaken, we," he gestured to everyone. "We agreed to let to compete, but on one condition."

"What?" he asked anxiously.

"Let me have your bottle of lavender Herbal Essences shampoo."

"Hey! Is that mine?" Kagome yelled out.

Jaken looked uncomfortable. "Err… _No_!" 

"Okay!" 

"So can I have it?" Sesshoumaru asked again.

"Anything for you, M'Lord!" Jaken answered.

"Show me the shampoo!" Sesshoumaru demanded.

Jaken reached into the inside of his robes and drew out a bottle of shampoo. Sniffing passionately, he handed it to his lord. "Be careful with her… she was my one and only love!" 

"Yeah, yeah, I will," Sesshoumaru said carelessly, grabbing the 'treasured' object. "So does he compete now?" he asked his brother.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Inu Yasha was still glaring at Kagome, who glared right back.

"Okay!" Jaken giggled like a demented schoolgirl. "Just give me a moment to change and shave, okay?"

"Err… Okay…?" Sango said, looking sick.

Jaken skipped to a huge tree. Ripping sounds were heard, along with his shrieks of, "Oh, *BEEP*! That hurt like hell!"

Kagome giggled, while Sesshoumaru grinned. This was going to be a good show.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M DONE!" Jaken said, walking out. 

Everyone's jaws dropped. Jaken looked STUNNING! Black hair with green streaks, shoulder length. His eyes were also green, and his skin was fair. He was tall, with great legs. 

Miroku walked over and grasped his hands. "If I didn't know you were a toad-looking freak, I would ask you to bear my child!"

Sango looked pissed that her 'meant to be' was choosing an ugly toad over her. She got out her boomerang and bopped him on the head. 

Miroku was very thickheaded… literally! He wasn't knocked out! Sango bopped him again. This time he fell over unconscious. 

"Oh good! I was worried that I was losing my touch for a minute!" Sango said, looking relieved.

Sesshoumaru was gawking at his servant. "J-jaken! How… What… When?"

Jaken laughed. "You mean when I was like this?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I _was_ a lingerie model, you know!" 

"W-what?" 

Kagome suddenly jumped up. "OH! I _KNEW_ you looked familiar! Weren't you that model for Victoria's Secrets?"

"Well, yeah! But then I found out her secret!" Jaken looked stricken.

"Who's?" Kagome asked. The rest of the crew also looked confused. 

"VICTORIA'S!" 

"Oh. Well, what is it?"

Jaken looked worried for a second. His eyes darted from side to side, as if expecting an attack. "Well, don't tell anyone, but the secret is-"

"WHAT?" 

"Well, you know, women over 30 can't wear anything from it!"

"OH! So that's why Mom always glares at Victoria's Secrets when we pass it in the mall!" Kagome said.

"Yeah."

"Err… Jaken? Shouldn't you compete now?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Sure!" 

He walked out in front of the judges, strutting like a rooster. 

The other competing woman looked jealous and glared at him.

Miroku, who had awoken, made cat calls. Sango knocked him dead again.

Suddenly, Kikyo had had enough! She grabbed a broken arrowhead and threw it at Jaken.

SURPRISE! The skin fell off! There stood a surprised looking Jaken. 

Sesshoumaru gasped and almost fainted. "J-jaken! You l-lied to me?"

"Er… No! I mean-"

"Don't lie to me, Jaken!" Sesshoumaru said, sounding more like himself.

"I'm sorry, M'lord! I didn't think-"

"That what? That I wouldn't find out? Do you think me a fool?"

"Hell yeah," Inu Yasha muttered. 

Sesshoumaru pivoted and death glared his half-brother. He then turned back to look at Jaken. "Jaken? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Jaken broke down. "I-I'm sorry! I'm really, really s-sorry M'Lord! I just wanted to make you happy! Please don't h-hurt me!" 

Sesshoumaru did something that surprised them all. He started laughing his head off. "HAHA! You actually believed me? HAHAHA! You should have seen your expression! It was so hilarious!"

Jaken took his hands away from his face. Then you aren't mad at me?" 

"No! Why would I be?" 

Kagome, who had a passionate hate for the toad thing, spoke up. "He lied to you, remember?" 

"Oh yeah! Jaken, Rin, we're going!" 

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin said joyfully.

"Yes, M'Lord!"

The trio left together, leaving no sign of their presence, other than the skin of 'Jaken'.

"You know, Kikyo… For once, I'm glad that you're a cheater!" Kagome said happily.

"So you mean you'll let me win?" Kikyo asked hopefully.

"Um, no." 

The two started cat fighting. Soon, everything seemed normal… Until… 

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Hey everyone! It's me, totally-wicked! I'll miss you all in this story! Fortunately, I have a 'good' idea for some future stories. But no telling! HAHA! You'll have to suffer! BWAHAAHA! Err… Sorry about that… I was ranting. Anyway, can anyone write me a review? I'm really trying to reach 140… Thanks everyone for all your support and everything! I love you all! Ja matte ne! 

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Responses to Reviews:

Lady BlackDragonFire: It's weird, right! Well, if Sesshoumaru is indeed a girl, it would explain a lot! The makeup, the girly face, etc! 

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FluffyWolfy: Wow! I loved your reviews! They made me feel so… good and like a talented writer! I feel inspired to write! And yes, you are now one of the special people at the bottom of the pages! I think your little wolf minions are cute! I thought Miroku and Sango need a little 'change', so I did what I did!

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Snowgirl: Are your parents still alive? I hope so! I LOVE your work, especially the one, I think it's called, 'Life of a Devil' or something? I love it! Please continue it! Thanks for your support1

Jiji: Are you confused? Why? Because it started totally different or something? Please tell me; I can probably clear it up for you!

Edom: Uh-oh! Looks like someone has murder on the mind! Everyone, duck, cover, and make sure you're protecting _me_! LOL!

Someone: I wanted to make someone go to the insane asylum… too bad! I was close, right? LOL! I hoped it wasn't too freaky!

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Seraph: Was it cute? I hope it was funny, too! Thanks for the review!

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Julia-Tears: IT'S STILL NOT UP YET! I want to read your story NOW! Oh well! Take your time; I want to read something good! The mind works I strange ways, and my mind is just one of the strangest! 

KFPC: What's up Juli-chan? Loved the review (as always!)! It was cute! Man, all that Akane killing is hard work! Hey! We forgot someone! DD, of course! How could you? I going to e-mail you! The Pringles guy is EVIL I say, _EVIL_! 

Fangirl: Be afraid, be very afraid! The legs are very, very scary. I have to ask, though: Are you more afraid about _this_ chapter? LOL!

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That one girl-no, not her, me: Out of breath? Pooky rocks! I have a miniature one of him at home! Yay for me!

Cullura: Er… I'm not sure if you can get in this story, since it just ended, but I think you can be in my future fic, 'When Sugar Is Your Enemy'. Why don't you e-mail me for details?


	11. SHOUT OUTS

Disclaimer: HAHA! You slow-ass lawyers! You'll never catch me! I'll own Inu Yasha even though it's Rumiko Takahashi's! *bangs into wall*

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Ready, Set, SHAVE!

Shout Outs!

Author's Note:

Hey everyone! I know this story is ended and I'm **NOT** going to write more in it, no matter how much I want to! However, I still want to thank you all for supporting me the whole time. I am having a brain surge: Would you guys like me to write a "Shave Saga"? Like, it's all separate stories, but with the same major plot thing? This 'major plot thing' will be orbiting around shaving, of course! At the end of the shout outs, there will be a teaser for the next story in the "Shave Saga" and will be called, "WHEW! Close Shave!" Oh, and also, I edited my pen name, so don't freak, okay?

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Celebwen Starmaiden: AW! That's really sweet of you! Thank you so much for saying that! I really appreciate it!It was really nice! You must like this story a lot!

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IceRayven: Hehe! Sorry about your Coke! Yes, you will see more humor from me. I had planed, actually, to write another humor story, but when I had my brain surge, I couldn't help myself!

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Rin281: HEY! I don't see you writing! LOL!

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LonelyAngelofSadness/Fangirl: Oh no! Someone, strap her down! We don't want her to hurt herself! Hurry, hurry! LOL! Anyway, you'll see more stories from me!

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Lady BlackDragonFire: Sorry, I can't update! It's all right though! Just tell me what you think of the next story! Oh, and sorry about the eyes!

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Julia-Tears: HEY! Finally almost done with your story? YAY! Cheer! Yes, E-mail it to me when you are done! Don't puke on me! Puke on that innocent passerby over there! LOL!

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"YES! Finally, another shard!" Inu Yasha said, victorious of finally getting another jewel shard. He punched through the air.

"Inu Yasha! Are you okay?" Kagome asked, worried. She pointed to a large gash on Inu Yasha's shoulder, a wound he had received when he was fighting the three-headed snake demon.

"Feh! With a scratch like this? Are you crazy?" he snorted.

Kagome glared. "I was just asking!"

"Well, don't ask then!"

"Sorry if I cared!"

"Apology accepted!"

"I didn't mean it!"

"Will you guys shut up?" Sango asked, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, listen to the Lady Sango!" Miroku said, instantly agreeing with Sango. 

Before anyone had a chance to say anything, one of Naraku's wasp thingies (A/N: I forget what these are called. Honestly, I don't care either.) flew down. It rammed into Inu Yasha, making him drop the shard. Flying as fast as it could, the wasp grasped the shard and flew eastward. 

Inu Yasha cursed very badly. Grabbing a very surprised Kagome, he threw her across his back. "COME ON!" he roared. "Let's get that shard back! Damn you, Naraku!" 

Miroku, Sango, and Shippo jumped on the already transformed Kirara and they flew into the air. 

Inu Yasha jumped up and ran/flew after the wasp, which no doubt was leading to Naraku.

Soon, they had arrived at a clearing in the forest. There, Naraku was sitting on the ground. Mind you, it wasn't a Golem doll; no, it was Naraku himself! He was wearing the clothes of a young lord and was carefully… SHAVING his legs? 

"Ohmygod!" Kagome gasped.

"What do you? He's not _that_ scary!" Inu Yasha asked roughly. 

"No, it's not that! He's doing it _one_ handed!" 

It was true. The baboon-skin clad half-demon was indeed shaving his legs with one hand. And not any hand! It was his left hand! (A/N: Naraku's right-handed! Why? Because I say so!) 

"Well, any guy can do that!" Inu Yasha said, not being able to let his enemy/new rival have any praise.

"Really?" Kagome asked, her voice breathless. She smiled flirtatiously.

"Y-yeah…" Inu Yasha stuttered, not being able to take _this_ much heat.

"Well then… SHOW ME, LIAR!" she yelled.

Inu Yasha sputtered with rage. "F-fine! I WILL!" 

Naraku, by now realizing that his enemies had arrived, jumped up. "Oh, my dearest Inu Yasha! You've finally arrived!" he said joyfully.

Inu Yasha's face went, 'WHAT-THE-HOLY-*BEEP*-IS-HE-TALKING-ABOUT?' 

"W HAT-THE-HOLY-*BEEP*-ARE-YOU-TALKING-ABOUT?" he yelled.

"Well…" 

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Yeah, yeah! So what do you think? Should I write it or not? Review to tell me! BTW, if you look on my bio page, one of my future stories is, 'The Forgotten Sister." My friend Shirahime is typing it and just posted it (she's at my house). Please read it and review. Thanks! 


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